Thoughts after my first week of grad school

First I want to say thanks to everyone who was in touch with me this weekend via facebook message, g-chat, phone call, or skype. It was really good talk with/hear from you all, and I am glad I have such great friends who stay connected with me.

My regular schedule for the semester consists of a piano literature class that meets twice a week on Monday and Wednesday mornings; an opera lit class that meets Tuesday and Thursday mornings; a 1 hour piano lesson followed by a 2 hour studio class on Wednesday evenings, and nine hours of ballet accompanying a week on Monday and Tuesday evenings and Saturday mornings to early afternoon. Fortunately my Fridays are free.

The first day of class was rough for me as I was trying to take care of various administrative issues, still figuring things out, and transitioning out of my comfortably slow moving summer mentality. Finding a practice room was awfully hard in the first few days, and a few times I had to resort to leaving campus to go back to my apartment to practice with headphones on my keyboard. I think it should be okay now that I have my reserved practice times, and I have not had too much trouble securing a room for myself.

I've met a lot of people in my first week here, and what is neat is to find people with whom I share mutual friends. Gradually, the music world is becoming a smaller place. I could see how eventually it will seem like I know everyone in my field.

The best part of my week was getting to my first lesson with my new teacher. I have a really good feeling about studying with him and am looking forward to developing as a pianist under his tutelage. I really trust his pedagogical ability and have heard nothing but wonderful things about his teaching from other students. I'm looking forward to getting past obstacles I've never been able to figure out, and I really believe he will help me with that.

Throughout the week, I've also experienced a series of downs from the stress of contemplating financial issues, contemplating what activities I can handle now or in the immediate future, contemplating my direction in life in the more distant future, and probably some other things I should stop worrying too much about lest I start failing to trust fully in God's providence and care.

I've been finding this transition to be really hard for me, as I have often run into points where I just wanted to quit from being overwhelmed by change and the fear of things to come . In spite of that, I find that I really need to work on looking forward more optimistically and realizing that the things I hold dear from my past will not suddenly vanish if I take my gaze away from it.

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Hosea 6
³ Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.
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The pastor at church today emphasized the importance of using the mind that God gave us. He directed a comment to the students stating that we have been called to the university to devote ourselves to using our minds to the best of our ability. We should be the most honest and devoted students in our classes, he says, even if we are not the smartest.

What am I holding onto that needs to be relinquished in order for me to press forward?

What are you clinging onto that is keeping you from devoting yourself fully to your calling?

How do I get past hope in what I know and have seen to find joy in the bigger picture of God's purpose?

It cannot be for trivial purposes that I have been (and feel) torn from what I know to be placed in some place where I feel deserted and must start anew.

Why do I focus on what is petty when I can have beauty encompassed in something bigger? I dwell on a beam of light when I could experience the entire sun rise. I could have more than a smudge of color but an entire painted landscape.

I ask for prayers as I try to get myself on track to outrun my self-centered hopes of the comforts that I know. I think true goodness does not disappear but is everlasting, so I should stop doubting.

What would it be like if I could share that with others? To become hope and light to others illuminating the far surpassingly good. That which is unseen.

(a photo I took a long time ago that I fondly associate with times of introspection)

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Romans 8:
¹⁸ For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. ¹⁹ For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. ²⁰ For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; ²¹ because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. ²² For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. ²³ Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. ²⁴ For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.
²⁶ Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us^[b] with groanings which cannot be uttered. ²⁷ Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. ²⁹
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Thanks Claire and Gustavo for the verses.



Suddenly I see more people on my canvas.