My reasons to be thankful

1. Just over two months ago, my brother, sister-in-law, and I returned home from a night out in town where we discovered that within a few short hours of being gone, we had been victim to burglary. In the room where I was staying, a large flat screen television set had been taken along with my iPad and charger. Needless to say, the situation was shocking and disturbing, causing me to become disillusioned about my of sense of security and privacy. I couldn't find the courage to go back into that room after that night and volunteered myself to sleep on the living room couch for the rest of my stay. Within the first four or five days of the event, I cycled incessantly through feelings of anger, fear, and shame (for not concealing my iPad better), but after a week I was able to get out of my head to let go of the loss. With all things considered, I had other very valuable things around that were not taken for whatever reason, and a lot of my iPad files were either backed up or insignificant, so in retrospect, it is really quite a blessing that the only thing I lost was my iPad, which actually meant very little irreplaceable loss.
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2. A few weeks ago, while in line to get ice cream outside a store in Portland, there was a fairly young looking, presumably homeless man sitting on the ground holding a sign that said something along the lines of "Any act of kindness right now is a blessing." That moment sunk into my conscience and stuck like a parasite. While the line was progressing inside the store, I was guilt-burdened and harrowed by the idea that while this man was sitting outside in the cold waiting for acts of kindness, I along with many others were waiting for ice cream. I eventually decided I would give him a Target gift card I recently received, but I so desperately wanted to give him words of hope, empathy, faith, and eternal perspective. In the end, through fear of being thought judgmental, insensitive, hypocritical, or even pretentious, I could only muster up the will to give a five dollar gift card, a straight look in his eyes, and a "God bless." I walked away from that experience wondering, "Was my action appropriate? Was that sufficient?" There have been many other occasions where I wondered about the things I did not do and wished I had the courage to say more. 

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3. A week ago, I discovered that a classmate from high school had passed away earlier that day. I did not know her very well but remembered that she was a musician and was probably in a few of my classes. She was quirky but nice, but I honestly never thought to get to know her or invest much energy in trying. We had become facebook friends, and even then, I rarely paid much attention to her facebook activity. She may have commented a few times on my statuses, and I couldn't tell you if I ever responded back. What's sad is that it took reading someone else's status about the loss of her life to make me stop and realize that I always took her existence for granted. I didn't know her very well at all, but the sudden death still impresses a sense of sadness and loss upon me. Rest in peace, Colleen Davey. 

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Upon reflecting on these three bullet points, I have gathered that it is frighteningly easy to distract ourselves with things that are fleeting or don't matter that much, whether they are material things, activities, or pointless anxieties. 

We (if not you, then at least many of us!) instinctively hide in our own shells of personal thoughts and feelings and in doing so miss out on opportunities to be present for other people, to give in the simplest ways. Even acknowledgment can be a form of giving, even if it's just eye contact, a smile, and a hello-how-are-you. Giving can happen in the easiest most unnoticeable forms. Sometimes we don't know that we are even receiving until the giving stops. 

Furthermore, in consideration of these things, I recognize that there is much reason to be thankful, and it involves things I have, and some of the things I have are time and opportunities to not be caught up with worldliness or a self-absorbed existence, to give and receive graciously, and to pursue deliberate relationships that are deeply meaningful. Sometimes I think we get so used to cajoling delicately the seemingly quiet and undisturbed surface of our lives but harbor deep within a violently billowing desire to be honest with others about our need for relationship, our need to be known, our mess, and all the other reasons that point to our need for Christ. It is so easy to wait for things or people to cross our paths to change or fulfill us. While I believe that inevitably there are things that will happen beyond our control, we can still find in our present circumstances and community some opportunities to plant relational seeds. If we don't open our eyes to the fields amidst, then nothing will spring, and I rather see grass and gardens in progress than a barren field that can never dream of a playground.