Summer ending

Finally, some time of peace and solitude for reflection--something I have been needing lately.

Between being at Interlochen for the past several weeks and working in Luray for the Opera Workshop, it has been hard to find a moment to sit down and process my thoughts in writing. Part of my inhibition lately has been no doubt influenced from sheer busyness, social overstimulation, and a perpetual drive to prepare for the immediate and less immediate future. Such forms of future have and/or continue to include packing bags, researching prospective doctoral programs, and planning for my quickly approaching and potentially hectic return to school. It has been good to give myself permission to take the day off. Probably one of the few I have had all summer.

Do you ever draw parallels from one aspect of your life to another? Many weeks ago, I began thinking more consciously about this idea. I think over analyzation could really drive one crazy, but I have found it to be rather enlightening.

For instance, I have a weakness for exercise. Whenever I try to go running for a long period of time (long = 5 min+), I get bored and tired, and I lose focus really really fast. Also, I get bored. Usually I want to give up pretty quickly. It's hard to follow through with anything when you feel physically miserable, bored, and aimless from a precariously and arbitrarily set goal. Whenever I feel ready to give up, I then think about how that demonstrates a lack of discipline. I then think, does this lack of discipline present itself in my piano practice?--something that interests me more than running. Suddenly, I begin to think, maybe if I motivate myself to increase my physical endurance, it will help me increase my mental stamina for performing or practicing piano.

Do you see what happened there?

In the area of discipline, another area where I struggle is setting aside time to memorize Scripture. Something that worked well for me this summer was doing both my exercise and verse memorization simultaneously. I could carry a small piece of paper that had my new verses, so in the course of my elliptical/step machine workout, I could recite verses in my head while exercising and be able to refer to the piece of paper if needed.

I have also thought a lot about how personality comes out in playing. What is interesting is that I can only think of a couple of performers I have ever seen whose playing has no clear resemblance to their personalities. They are some of the best pianists I have ever seen.  Those musicians are the ones who strike me as the most impressive and entertaining performers, able to put aside their own individuality for the sake of music. It seems paradoxical. While some level of individuality is valuable in helping establish a musical personality, you don't want your music making to be overly colored and restricted by the presence of your personal voice.  Quite a paradoxical balance to figure out.

It has been an amazing summer. Even though I technically have a week left, I don't really see myself having another opportunity to sit down and meditate on random things to blog again for awhile. I am so grateful for meeting wonderful people and having the opportunity to work in really personally fulfilling and meaningful ways. It will be quite an exciting year for seeing where the Lord will lead me. I have ideas of my own in terms of what would be good for me, but I know that God is good, will guide me, and will provide.