I have recently reflected on the tendency to people-watch. This may mean observing the actions or words of others from a detached point of view or experiencing some level of vulnerability in a particular relationship. In the process of noting my impressions and occasional passing judgments of others as well as my own emotional responses, I have recognized that human nature consists of a disturbing mixture of beautiful and disappointing.
Interestingly, the personalities whose virtue and beauty are most prevalent or convicting to you often are the ones that are most capable of hurting you. This stems from the power that they exert from the positive traits they demonstrate. The magnitude of power is not quantitatively determined by the number of good traits surpassing the number of disappointing traits. What seems to happen actually is that the ubiquity of good, virtuous, and beautiful magnify the perception of a disappointing human quality. In other words, the more admirable, attractive, virtuous and lovely someone may seem, the more disappointment he or she may be capable of instilling in you as a result of a certain given fault or unintentional injury.
I find that unintentional injuries--ones where the do'er was unaware of having incurred any harm--are the ones that sting the most.
Furthermore, what stings the heart bitterly, as it should, is that oftentimes, I am guilty of that particular fault that was so injurious to me. I have recognized that the behaviors and choices that provoke my thoughts and emotions the most typically index the faults of which I am guilty. How awful it is to reflect on the ways that other people have let you down and to realize that you yourself have been doing it to others the same way, and you do so with few, if any, scruples or realization that you have been dropping seeds of damage. To not even see the seed germinate. To not even know the seeds were there.
Then, it also becomes clear that your mind has subconsciously created a hierarchy of people with whom you interact based on how much you are willing to love. Towards the top are the people who are easiest to love, those whom you don't even think twice about placing before yourself. Your reverence towards them often makes you willing to relinquish your own power. As a result, many people in that group are also the ones you allow to set fire to the most tender parts of your soul. (They didn't even know they were carrying matches)
On the flip side, those towards the bottom are a mixture of people who you struggle to love and that you often exert power and influence over, knowing that you do. You are curt with them without regret. Your regard and contact with them is sometimes merely functional, simply for obtaining personal means. These are people who seem to irritate you sometimes, but the cause of irritation is often something that resonates with one of your own weaknesses.
You may find a middle ground in the hierarchy of people you undoubtedly love but injure unknowingly, too. No one is immune from blind injury on both the sending end and receiving end.
With all that said, I am reminded that
1) it is easy to conceive of idols on earth. We are all fragments, and not one of us embodies wholeness of image.
2) given that each person is just a fragment of beauty, we should really be careful not to look at one fragment as more important, bigger, or more valuable than the next, especially if each person is made in God's image.
3) one must constantly be careful about not hoping for too much in any one fragment--in any one person--less you bleed from rubbing against another fragment's jagged edges.
4) there should be no bottom of the hierarchy. Christ is on top. His being God makes him whole. His being human makes us understood by Him. His being both makes it safe to worship Him without fear of betrayal or disappointment because it is safe to be vulnerable with unwavering, unequivocal, fully trustworthy beauty.
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Now some pictures of my new apartment:
I got a plant for my apartment. It is the best roommate. It purifies the air, although supposedly it makes it more humid in dryer conditions. The living room has been unusually hot.
First meal: macaroni, lettuce, cherry tomatoes, and carrots.
I like this.
Kitchen is clean so far.
I bought fun food for the kitchen.
Some donated dining chairs so that people can sit.
First of all, I approve your choice of 'Lots of Pulp' Orange Juice. Way to go.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I certainly understand about sometimes being hurt by even good personalities. People-watching and analyzing is definitely a habit of mine as well. My bad habits in the past have been feeling convicted when a person has a particularly short response with me, and I analyze my behavior to see how I could have wronged the person. More often it's that they were distracted or frustrated with something else. There's so many circumstances in those situations.
Anyway, Like you said, there will always be people you look up to who disappoint you. Conversely, there will always be people who you disappoint, no matter how hard you try to avoid it. I always try to avoid the view of a hierarchy in social circles, and instead think of each person, "What qualities does this person have that are admirable, that I can attempt to apply to my own life?" and also, "What qualities are harmful to themselves or to others, and how can I avoid those?" The best thing that you can do when the disappointing situations happen is focus on self-improvement; self-improvement as a young professional and as a Christ-follower. It's the part that you control the most. The hardest situations are also the most beneficial in retrospect.
Anyway, those are my thoughts. Hope you are doing well.
Hi Jon, nice to have you stop by the page. 'Lots of Pulp' is certainly more satisfying and unquestionably brilliant. Cheers.
DeleteThanks for your thoughts. I like your method of trying to understand the other end and recognizing short responses and things of that nature may have nothing to do with what you may have said or done. I also like what you said about focusing on self-improvement as a reaction to disappointment. Naturally, as humans we are flawed and it should be our conviction to become sanctified through our relationship with Christ. Interestingly, self-improvement isn't the point of Christianity. Christ is the focal point, and self-improvement is the side effect and fruit of our focus.
Of course. It is very important to note that self-improvement as a servant of Christ must always be regarded with an attitude of humility. Otherwise, it obviously defeats the whole purpose. The focus then turns on either our success in self-improvement or the works themselves, instead of on our Lord. It sounds ridiculous, but we all know of Christians who fall into moments of weakness with pride, thereby alienating potential followers of Christ. Thank you for clarifying.
DeleteWow, Jon, good eye on the orange juice!
ReplyDelete...Andrew, what is that meal!? It's like all the leftovers you have thrown into mac-and-cheese. It makes me smile, though. I think your food concoctions reflect your personality. Also, I certainly hope there's some floor space for when Becca and I to sleep on when we come to visit you! And I love the microwave on top of the fridge! Is that even easily accessible? Becca and I didn't get an apartment with a microwave, so we just decided to not get one. It's been interesting, but I like it. More counter space.
Anyway, it's funny, but your thoughts here seem pretty similar to the sermon I attended last Sunday (in Tennessee). Mostly at the end. He was preaching on second Corinthians about Paul writing a letter about why he didn't return for a second time to the city, illustrating the point that there is no human that can keep all of their promises. Often we try to find a person or object to fulfill the promises that only Christ can keep, people such as our children, our parents, spouses, etc. Only Christ will answer "yes" to all of his promises, and we get hurt and hurt others when we attempt to force others to do what only Christ can.
-Will Doran
Hey Will,
DeleteThe answer is Kraft's blue box macaroni and cheese, Kroger-prepared rotisserie chicken, baby carrots, lettuce, and cherry tomatoes. By leftovers, you mean I bought all those that day because it was my first cooked meal in that apartment. There is floor space. The microwave was there before and I didn't feel like moving it. It's reachable.
If you guys need a microwave and make your way to Indiana, I have 2. Just let me know.
What you said in your second paragraph is very true to what I am far often too guilty of doing. It really makes you realize how seriously broken we are as human beings and how much we yearn to be made whole and fulfilled. And we keep going to the places where we will be let down.